'Keep your back to the dark and you'll always see the light'

Haha... so I haven't blogged since the exams, which is kinda strange I know since most people actually blogged more during the holidays but I on the other hand completely stopped... but anyways, here I am back online.

The holidays themselves were pretty uneventful, spent a lot of time away from home hanging out with friends, going for debate meetings, badminton etc. and it was nice to let go of the stress after the exams. The first week of school was also okay, received exam results (not disastrous but not good either) and also was 1 of 4 MCs at Teachers' Day where interestingly, my clothing was not very much liked by girls but was very popular with guys (only 1 guy who commented wasn't happy with it. Too bad Affiq XD)

All this comes as my emotions continue to stabilise. Those of you close enough to me will know that my 'problems' finally ended during the holidays and since then I've been restoring my life to what it used to be. I've been trying to rediscover the mentality, lifestyle and attitude that I used to have before all this crap happened and I've been quite successful so far. But there's a long way to go to come back to the person I used to be. Still, I'll do my best to get back in control of my life, because life is what we make of it; if we look into the dark life will suck, but if we look towards the light, life will be worth living.

Argh!

Midway through the 2nd week of the mid-year exams, here I find myself taking a breather to see just where I stand...

Subjects already taken:

Malay - Hope my super long essay on saving poor countries doesn't bore Cikgu Hazel to sleep...

English - Not enough time, so I could only hand in a crap essay. Hope I score well in paper 2.

Chemistry - FAILED T.T

Physics - I'll cry if I pass. Watch me.

Bookkeeping - Just. Simply. And. Straightforwardly. Dead.

Maths paper 2 - Too late for regret. but there's still paper 1...

Subjects to be taken:

Add Maths - Fuuh!!! Enough said.

History - Keeping my fingers crossed...

Moral - Must not lose focus no matter how boring or irrelevant it is!

Maths paper 1 - Just be careful not to celebrate too early.

Just 3 more days to go, and then...

'Ngiak'.

It's just a one-syllable word. Some people can't pronounce it well and they go 'nyap, nyap' like an alcoholic puppy. But however you pronounce it or view it, any Sabahan Chinese should know what a range of emotions and feelings this one syllable covers.

For the convenience of those of you who don't know, it's a word from the Hakka dialect and it can be loosely translated as 'bored'. But it can also mean being sick of doing something, unwilling to do something or even an expression of unhappiness or frustration.

The past few months have been really difficult on me. Most, if not all of you reading this post, don't know what happened. But those who do will know how serious it's been and how much it has affected my life and my personality.

And if you ask me to describe my life at the moment, this is the one word I'll use. Life simply isn't as obliging as I hoped it to be. Every morning I wake up feeling OK but I usually end up going to sleep pissed off and frustrated. Side distractions, such as spending time with friends or listening to music/watching TV, only keeps my perky for a little while before I get beaten up by reality again. There's just no escaping the thoughts and memories of all that's happened, no matter how hard I try...

Yet I go on. I don't wake up wishing to die by night. I don't dream of mowing everyone down with a submachine gun. And I don't go to school half eaten by my emotions. If you're wondering who I want to thank for helping me to get through the hardships of the past few months, here they are. Where I didn't put real names, you know who you are:

Kwan Ying, who never failed me as friend

Desty, who helped my discover singing in class as a way of stress release =)

Fabio, who really should stop singing 'Love Story' because he's not a princess XD

Feddy, who reminded me of Jesus' love. He loves you too =D

Moi2, you're the best sister anyone can hope for!

Liangfen, eventhough we haven't met, you've already helped a lot

Aby, it isn't easy to find a friend as caring as you!

and finally...

my greatest friend, the one who said 'I will never leave thee nor forsake thee'...

Thank you Lord =)

Taking in a deep breath

And there goes another week of school! What a week. Although it's only been 4 days it seemed to have lasted for ages. Chemistry PEKA, Moral reports, anti-drugs crap and blackouts dragged and stretched every second of this past week like 拉面. So it's not a surprise that I'm more than happy to just pull my socks off, hang up my feet and enjoy a few moments rest at the end of the week (after washing my feet of course).

But heck, there's no escaping reality. Even without thinking of SPM there are still a million things to do. Ironically, the teachers flood us with so much work that we struggle to find the time to do revsion. Yes, homework is a form of revision, but... haiz.

At times I feel like just running away from it all. But there's not much that I can do to escape. The most that I can do is to put on my earphones and immerse myself in music. But the moment the melody winds down, the moment the last notes fade away, I find myself crashing back to the harshness of life...

Hang in there pals. Let's all get through this. Together.

This is still under construction...

...so please just bear with the basic layout for now. I'm still modifying it to better reflect my taste. You'll see more of that soon. Just hold on...

Evil eye?

Actually no, just red eye.

Or rather two red eyes.

It's only my second time ever getting conjunctivitis. And it's definitely not very fun when you get it in both eyes. One turned red on Sunday afternoon, the other on Monday morning, and by Tuesday I was sound asleep at home with a fever.

Neither was it fun to be away from school for 3 days. I've missed the Taylor's test for bookkeeping and missed 3 chemistry PEKA experiments among others. I wonder what Mrs. Chin's going to say about the missed PEKA.

*sigh*

But oh well, life goes on. And my sore eyes are giving me a glorious headache. Yeah, it's better than when i was walking around looking like a Left 4 Dead zombie, but I've still got a long way to go to full recovery. So I'll end my post here and go close my eyes then, hoping that maybe I'll wake up and see things clearer...

for everything to exist there must a beginning...

...therefore, this is the beginning of my new blog.

Hello, world.

It would be just a wee bit pointless if you read this blog not knowing who wrote it, so let me go through the formalities. I'm Adam Chin, going on 17 this year. Currently schooling at SM All Saints in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia. That's all I will tell you. The basics are all on my Facebook and Friendster profiles. The not-so-basics you will find out in my future blogposts. After all, what else is a blog for?

Before I continue, let me make clear what you're going to find here. You won't find my autobiography. You won't find The Great Malaysian Novel. You won't find a window into my life. Instead, what you will find is an outlet for my emotions, thoughts and memories. You will find random ideas and points to think about, and most of all, you will find...

words.

Because words are all a man has to express himself.

And so the odyssey begins...