'Ngiak'.

It's just a one-syllable word. Some people can't pronounce it well and they go 'nyap, nyap' like an alcoholic puppy. But however you pronounce it or view it, any Sabahan Chinese should know what a range of emotions and feelings this one syllable covers.

For the convenience of those of you who don't know, it's a word from the Hakka dialect and it can be loosely translated as 'bored'. But it can also mean being sick of doing something, unwilling to do something or even an expression of unhappiness or frustration.

The past few months have been really difficult on me. Most, if not all of you reading this post, don't know what happened. But those who do will know how serious it's been and how much it has affected my life and my personality.

And if you ask me to describe my life at the moment, this is the one word I'll use. Life simply isn't as obliging as I hoped it to be. Every morning I wake up feeling OK but I usually end up going to sleep pissed off and frustrated. Side distractions, such as spending time with friends or listening to music/watching TV, only keeps my perky for a little while before I get beaten up by reality again. There's just no escaping the thoughts and memories of all that's happened, no matter how hard I try...

Yet I go on. I don't wake up wishing to die by night. I don't dream of mowing everyone down with a submachine gun. And I don't go to school half eaten by my emotions. If you're wondering who I want to thank for helping me to get through the hardships of the past few months, here they are. Where I didn't put real names, you know who you are:

Kwan Ying, who never failed me as friend

Desty, who helped my discover singing in class as a way of stress release =)

Fabio, who really should stop singing 'Love Story' because he's not a princess XD

Feddy, who reminded me of Jesus' love. He loves you too =D

Moi2, you're the best sister anyone can hope for!

Liangfen, eventhough we haven't met, you've already helped a lot

Aby, it isn't easy to find a friend as caring as you!

and finally...

my greatest friend, the one who said 'I will never leave thee nor forsake thee'...

Thank you Lord =)